An Ode to Twitter

Twitter, you complete me.

I think everyone deserves to read about every profound thought, every longing desire, every triumph, every concern, and every pastrami sandwich I consume.

Twitter, you make that possible, because in your house, there are no harsh social sanctions for using you to exhaustion. In fact, you continue to draw millions of visitors day after day.

Global exposure is not just for the affluent or natural disasters anymore. Twitter allows regular people to announce anything, anytime, anywhere to anyone. What’s that, Justin Bieber? You had a sold out crowd in Alberta? Well guess what, I tripped over my pants today, and that notification appeared right above yours on my Twitter Feed. How’s that for stardom?

Sure, I follow the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, the Star Tribune and Nicholas Kristof to project myself as a connoisseur of informative media, but in reality, this is just a facade. At the end of a long, demanding day, I just want to see Kanye rant about life’s disparities, or read some of Jon Stewart’s quippy political ramblings. I also know what each Kardashian is doing at any given moment of the day.

Twitter, you allow me to be a glutton of information from the privacy of my own home, and with one simple click.